How to Write an Obituary: A Step-by-Step Guide
To write an obituary, start with the full name, age, date of death and place of residence, then add a short life story, the surviving family, and the service details. Most newspaper obituaries run 200 to 300 words, while online tributes can be longer. Check every name, date and spelling with family before you submit it.
Learning how to write an obituary while you are grieving is hard, because the task asks you to sum up a whole life in a few paragraphs, on a deadline, in public. This guide breaks the job into steps you can follow in order, so you can get a respectful draft written, checked and submitted without having to work out the structure from scratch.
How to write an obituary, step by step
Start with the facts, then add the story. Facts are easier to gather than personal writing, and they stop you forgetting something essential while you are thinking about tone. Work through the steps below in order, and you will have a complete draft.
Step 1: Gather the facts
Collect these details before you write a single sentence:
- Full name, including any maiden name and any nickname the person was commonly known by
- Date of birth and date of death, and age at death
- Place of birth and city and state of residence (leave out the home address)
- Parents names, and spouse or partner details
- Schools, career highlights, military service and community roles
- Hobbies, passions and things the person was known for
- Surviving family: spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings, in a sensible order
- Family members who died earlier, if you want to name them
- Service details: date, time and place of the funeral, memorial or visitation, and whether it is public or private
- Donation wishes, such as a charity named in place of flowers
Ask two or three relatives to check this list. Even people who were close to the person may not know every date, spelling or family detail, and a correction after publication is much harder than a correction before it.
Step 2: Write the opening announcement
The first paragraph announces the death and gives the essentials. A standard opening reads: full name, age, city and state, and date of death, followed by a short phrase about how the person died, if the family wants that included. Keep it plain and direct. Readers scanning a newspaper page need to know at once who died, and people who knew the person need no preamble to understand the news.
Step 3: Tell the life story in brief
The middle of the obituary is a short life story, not a full biography. Cover the main chapters in order: early life and schooling, work and service, marriage and family, and the interests and qualities people will remember. Pick one or two details that show character, such as a weekly habit, a long held job, or a cause the person supported for years. Save longer stories for the service or the eulogy, where there is room for them.
Step 4: List the family
Tradition puts surviving family near the end, in this order: spouse or partner, children and their partners, grandchildren and great grandchildren, parents if living, and siblings. Then add a line for those who died earlier, usually written as “preceded in death by”. Keep the list consistent: if you name partners for some children, name them for all, and check every spelling with family. Disagreements about who is listed are common, so settle the list before you submit, not after.
Step 5: Give the service details and closing wishes
End with the practical information readers need: the date, time and place of the service, whether it is open to all or private, and where donations should go. A short closing line is common, such as a favourite saying, a line of poetry, or a simple statement about what the person meant to the family. Keep it to one or two lines. The closing should feel like the person, not like a formal sign off.
How long should an obituary be
Length depends on where it will appear. Most newspaper obituaries run 200 to 300 words, because newspapers set word limits and often charge by the word or line. Online obituaries on a funeral home website or a memorial site can be longer, since there is usually no strict limit and photos can be added.
A practical approach is to write the full version first, at whatever length feels right, and then cut a shorter version for print. Cut repeated details before you cut facts: readers need the service details and the family list more than a second anecdote. If the print version must be very short, publish the short version in the paper and the full version online, and say so in the short version if the paper allows it.
Getting the tone right
Tone is where most drafts go wrong, in one of two directions. A draft that is too formal can read like a legal notice and hide the person behind stiff language. A draft that is too casual can feel wrong to older relatives and to readers who did not know the person well. Aim for warm, plain language: kind words, simple sentences, and details that are true rather than grand.
Read the draft aloud before you submit it. If a sentence sounds like something the person would never have said about themselves, rewrite it. If a claim feels inflated, such as calling an ordinary hobby a lifelong mission, scale it back. Readers trust an obituary that sounds honest, and family members will live with the wording for years.
What to leave out
Some details do not belong in a published obituary, even when they are true:
- Home addresses, for safety reasons
- Exact times and places for private family gatherings
- Family disputes, estrangements, or unkind remarks about anyone
- Financial details, account information, or anything about wills and estates
- Health details beyond what the family has agreed to share
- Anything you are not sure is accurate: check it, or leave it out
When in doubt, ask the family member closest to the person whether they would be comfortable seeing the detail in print. If the answer is not a clear yes, cut it.
Publishing: newspaper, funeral home, or online
Where you publish changes the rules, so decide before you finalise the length. A funeral home will usually post an obituary on its own website as part of its service, and that version can be long and can include photos. A newspaper has its own submission process, word limits, deadlines and charges: visit the paper’s website or call its obituary department, and ask about fees and proofing before you submit. Many papers send a proof for review, which is your last chance to catch errors.
Online memorial sites and social media give the widest reach and no print deadline, but they also stay visible for years, so the same accuracy rules apply. You can publish in more than one place, and many families do: a short version in the paper, a full version on the funeral home site, and a link shared with friends and family.
On cost, be practical rather than hopeful. Many newspapers charge by the word or line, and longer obituaries in large city papers can become expensive, so confirm the cost before you submit a long version. If the price is a problem, shorten the print version and put the full tribute online, where length usually costs nothing extra.
Proofreading checklist
Before you submit, run through this checklist with at least one other person:
- Every name spelled correctly, including maiden names and nicknames
- Every date correct: birth, death, marriage, service
- Family list complete and in the agreed order
- Service date, time and place correct, and marked public or private
- Donation details correct, with the charity name spelled properly
- No home address and no private gathering details
- Photo permission confirmed, if a photo is included
Print the draft and read it on paper if you can. Errors that hide on a screen often show up in print, and a printed proof is also easier for older relatives to check.
Common mistakes to avoid
The most common mistake is leaving out essential facts while focusing on sentiment. A moving tribute that forgets the service date or misspells a child’s name has failed at its main job, which is to inform people. The second most common mistake is writing only from one person’s memory. Ask siblings, children and close friends what they would add, because each person remembers different parts of a life. The third is rushing submission without a proofread. Give yourself one extra read, even when the deadline feels tight, because published errors are hard to correct and are seen by everyone who knew the person.
Sources for this guide
The structure, checklist and length guidance above follow the widely used guides published by Grammarly and Verywell Health, and the newspaper submission points follow the guidance published by Tranquility Cremation, all checked on 2026-10-24. For the difference between an obituary and a death notice, see our guide to what is an obituary. For completed samples you can adapt, see obituary examples, and for a blank structure to fill in, see our obituary template.
Frequently asked questions
How long should an obituary be?
Most newspaper obituaries run 200 to 300 words, because papers set word limits and often charge by the word or line. Online obituaries can be longer, since there is usually no strict limit. Write the full version first, then trim it for print if you need to.
Do I have to include the cause of death?
No. Including the cause of death is optional and is a family decision. Many families write 'after a long illness' or 'unexpectedly', and some give no reason at all, only the date of death. Choose wording the whole family is comfortable seeing in print.
Who usually writes an obituary?
Usually a close family member writes it: a spouse, an adult child, or a sibling. Funeral homes often help, and some families ask a friend or a professional writer. Whoever writes it should have the facts checked by at least one other family member before it is published.
Should I include a home address in an obituary?
No. City and state are enough. Publishing a home address can signal that a house may be empty, so most families leave it out. The same caution applies to exact service times for a private family gathering: give those details privately instead.
How quickly does an obituary need to be published?
Most families publish within one to three days of the death, before the funeral or memorial service, so that people who need to attend can plan. There is no fixed deadline, and a short death notice can go out first, with a longer tribute published later.